Silent Flutter (The Butterfly Series) Read online

  "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetheart." He took my face in His hands and kissed me sweetly yet passionately. Suddenly I was hot, although chills ran the length of my nearly naked body.

  "Happy Valentine's Day," I let out breathily before taking His lips in mine once again. When we were finally able to break from the kiss His eyes roamed the length of my body and a sultry smile formed on His lips. "You look beautiful. And so sexy. I don't think I'll make it to dessert," He said, nodding towards the strawberries and chocolate.

  "We'll just have to multi-task then," I said eying them with a smile.

  "I love the way that gorgeous mind of yours thinks," He replied to my not-so-subtle innuendo about the dessert becoming a prop in what was surely to follow this dinner.

  He lifted a small piece of sushi from one of the platters and motioned for me to open my mouth by parting His own lips every-so-slightly. I did willingly, and let Him slip the delectable bite onto my tongue. I unintentionally let out a moan when I bit into the roll.

  "Are you trying to make me skip dinner, too?" He asked. I looked up and saw that His bright eyes had darkened with desire.

  "I would say yes, but we can't let this amazing picnic go to waste." My mouth was saying the words and my stomach softly growled with hunger, but my body was aching for His touch. "We'll just eat fast," I added with a wink.

  After dinner and couple of glasses of red wine each, we inched closer to each other until He was able to pull me into His lap. I sat between His parted legs and leaned my head against His chest. I could feel His heartbeat through the thin fabric on my back. I told Him about the poem in Dr. Lasser's class and my interpretation of its meaning. He kissed my temple and then my cheek and I could feel His smile against my skin. I turned to face Him, so that my legs were outstretched and straddling His waist, and then I tangled my fingers in the hair at the base of His neck.

  Our lips were so close that we were taking in the same breath of air. "I love you," I whispered so closely that my lips brushed His. It was the first time I had ever told Him that since we had become more than just best friends. I didn't say it back that day in my parents' driveway, and He hadn't said it since.

  "I love you, too," He said, before devouring my lips. His hands slid down my waist and then He pulled me even closer by my hips. Our bodies crushed together and my robe lifted higher on my legs. His hands quickly replaced the fabric as He slid them up my thighs. My fingers fumbled with the buttons on His shirts until I was able to peel it off of His back.

  The tanned skin of His chest, arms and abs was literally glowing in the candlelight. He was breathtaking. My hands explored every inch of the bare skin on His torso until I reached the top of His jeans. Damn belt. I tugged on the leather until it was free from the loops and then pulled the medal bar from its notch. Before I could get to the button and zipper, He lifted me from His waist and laid me down gently on the blanket. Then His long arm stretched across me to grab the plate and bowl and then He set them down beside us.

  I eyed them and then looked up at His face, now hovering inches from mine once again. "You ready for dessert now?" I asked with a devilish grin.

  "I've been ready since the moment I saw you in that robe," He answered. As if that sparked something in Him, He grazed the length of the silk ribbon that held my robe together and let it slide between His fingers. It was the only thing keeping me from being completely naked. With one simple tug the tie came undone and the robe fell open, revealing my anxious body. Normally His hands and mouth would have instantly been on my breasts, but the only things all over me were His eyes. They roamed from my neck, to my chest and down my stomach. Then He grabbed a strawberry from the plate and dipped it in the warm chocolate.

  When He returned with the dripping fruit, I thought He was going to feed it to me like He did with the sushi. That was such a sexy, intimate moment. I hope He does it again. But He didn't. This time He asked me to keep them closed while He trailed the berry along my slightly puckered lips so that it left chocolate in its wake. I had to fight the urge to lick it off, because it was His tongue that longed to remove it. Once He licked the last remains of it from my lips, He brought the fruit up to His mouth and took a sensual bite. I wanted to taste Him.

  Sensing my craving, He quickly dipped another and brought it to my mouth to sample. I took a bite and the juices and Godiva mixed orgasmically on my palate. Again I moaned. This time when I reached for the clasp of His jeans He leaned back to welcome the pursuit. Once I had the zipper down He let himself out of them and positioned Himself on top of me once again. When we kissed it tasted sweet and juicy and left my head dizzy with love and lust.

  He dipped His finger into the chocolate and painted a dark streak down my neck to my collar bone, followed quickly by His eager tongue. He repeated this action several more times, tasting more and more of my most sensitive areas while I sucked the lingering chocolate from His index finger. When it was almost too much to bear, I let out a panting plea. "Please, I want to taste you now," I begged.

  When I sat up to let him lie in my place, He slid the robe from my shoulders, rendering me completely exposed. I positioned my bent knees on either side of Him with nothing between us but His boxers. Then I dipped my finger into the bowl beside me and brushed a streak of chocolate across His heart. I took my time carefully licking the sweet sauce from His skin. His muscles writhed beneath my tongue as He let low moans escape from His lips.

  I repeated this tantalizing motion over and over as I advanced farther down His abdomen. When I reached the band of His boxers I stopped and kissed Him lightly on the inside of His hip bone, in the deep V of muscle. Again, He shuddered beneath me. I allowed my lips to tease Him a bit more before I removed the only piece of fabric between our ravenous bodies, and then painted one last stroke of chocolate on His most sensitive area before I licked it clean.

  We made love: Genuine, ardent love, on the pallet on my living room floor until we succumbed to our desire and our bodies gave out. When we collapsed beside each other He held me close and tight to His chest as His fingers stroked my sweat- dampened hair. We watched the small candles burn lower and lower until exhaustion found us both. Once we found the strength to stand, we went through the apartment and blew out all of the candles. It may have been crappy, but I didn't have renter's insurance to cover it if we burned the place down.

  When we got in my bed around two on the morning, I laid my head on His chest once again and looked up at Him. "You are the most amazing person I've ever known," I admitted.

  "I'm sorry I didn't have an actual gift for you," He said with an exaggerated pout. "Everything I thought of just seemed too cliché."

  "What about the robe? And roses? And dinner? And dessert!" I added. "Besides, you have given me more in the last month than I could have ever dreamed. It's me who feels silly about the gift I got you."

  "You got me a gift?" He asked surprised.

  I leaned over and reached my hand in the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a plain white envelope. When I handed it to Him He gave me and skeptical look.

  "It's just a little something," I assured, using His words from our Non-date at Christmas.

  We both smiled at the memory and then He tore the seal of the envelope and pulled out the tickets. "Spurs tickets!" He exclaimed excitedly. I knew He loved sports and since football season had already passed I figured an NBA game was the next best thing. "Aw, Sweetheart, you really didn't have to get me anything for Valentine's Day. But I see there are two here, does that mean you're going with me?" He asked with eyes full of hope.

  "Sure. Or you can take your one of your brothers or one of The Guys if you want. I know basketball is kind of a dude thing."

  "There is no one I'd rather take a trip to San Antonio with or watch a big game like this one with than you," He assured.

  "It's a date then," I replied and reached up to kiss His lips. "Did I ever tell you, I love it when you call me Sweetheart?" I asked.

  "Well you have one of the sweet
est hearts I know. Even sweeter now that it's been covered in chocolate," He smirked.

  April 26, 2011

  Happy birthday QLB. I know it’s been a long time, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you today. I hope it’s a good one- J

  I hadn’t heard from Judd since the phone call that ended it all nearly five months ago. I didn’t even know that he knew when my birthday was. I remember the brief mention of it once when he asked, “Will you ever be legal to drink this stuff?” and then grabbed my beer from my hand and playfully took a sip from it. I couldn’t believe that he remembered. Now the question is; do I text him back or just ignore it? Shouldn’t I at least say thank you? All it says is happy birthday, I think I’m reading too much into this, I assessed.

  No! Absolutely not!Inner- mewas back in full force.Ignore it and go get ready for class. Then come home and get ready for your birthday date with someone that actually gives a damn about you. DO NOT TEXT JUDD BACK!

  I was staring at my phone and reading the text message over and over again, trying to decide whether I should obey Inner-me and delete the text all together, or encourage the intense fluttering in my stomach that initiated instantly when I read the initials JWV on my screen and respond. How could he possibly still have this effect on me?

  “Twenty-one finally!” June shrieked on the other end of the phone when her call interrupted the Inner-battle that was going on in my head. “Happy birthday Little Sis!”

  “Thanks, I’m so excited! But not really even about being able to legally drink, just about how things are going for me in my life right now. I couldn’t be happier!” Why did I feel the sudden need to say that out loud?

  “Well, as your oldest sister, I feel obligated to impart some of my experience and wisdom on you, so let me start by saying that I am so happy that you are happy. No one deserves to be happy more than you.” She sighed and continued, “With that said; however, just remember that while you may feel like twenty-one is old, it’s not. You are still very young, Quinn, with so much life ahead of you. I just want to make sure that you experience everything there is to experience before you settle down and real life begins. Do you know what I’m saying?”

  “Umm, I think so,” I answered, trying to process her advice. “You think I’m still too young to be in love and to be in a serious relationship?” I asked skeptically.

  “I didn’t say that. Like I said, I am happy for you that you have found someone to love, and more importantly, that loves you like crazy in return, but, I also know a little something about regret. I spent my all of my twenties jumping from one serious relationship to the next, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I really did miss out on a lot. My whole world revolved around my relationships and my boyfriends, and I never had time to just focus on me. Now I’m twenty-eight, I’m doing what I love, I have the most amazing friends and family and I finally have time to focus on myself…” she trailed off, lost in thought.

  “But?” I asked.

  “But, I wish I could have focused on myself when I was younger so that I could be devoting all of my time to starting a family now. One day you’ll be married and you’ll have kids and your whole life will revolve around them, and I just don’t want you to have any regrets, because regret is a sinking ship.”

  I sat still on my couch and listened, quietly, yet intently, to my sister’s counseling. A tear ran down my cheek when I thought about all of the pent up regret that she was harboring from her college years. She didn’t expand much on the subject, but I could hear the pain behind her words.

  Regret. The word swirled in my head, causing a dizzying feeling that left my stomach in knots. It was the same feeling that I always got the moment before I stepped onto a roller coaster. Exhilaration, Anxiety, Doubt, Excitement; all rolled into one twisted lump in my core.

  “I love Him.” It was the only response I could muster. It was the only emotion that I could pin point at that exact moment. I quickly assessed the past few years: The Bastard. The Conquests. Judd. And now, Him. I know regret, I reflected. But I could never regret Him. “I could never regret this feeling that I have,” I told my sister. “He makes me feel safe. Comfortable. I know you are just looking out for me and I will always be grateful for your advice and words of wisdom, but for once, I finally feel like I am exactly where I need to be. I am focused on me, because He is a part of me. I would not be me without Him. I love Him,” I declared again.

  “Then that is the best birthday wish that I could give to you: for you to be as happy and as confident as you sound right now. Hold on to that Little Sister. I love you and I can’t wait to celebrate with you. I’ll see you in a few days and happy birthday again!”

  “Love you too, and thanks.”

  When I pressed End Call on my phone, the text was back on my screen. I scrolled through the menu until I found the only two options: Reply or Delete.

  Around 6:30 PM, He arrived at my front door to pick me up and take me out for a birthday dinner. It was a little awkward at first. That uneasy feeling still haunted me and when I looked at Him, I found myself studying Him like a puzzle or a piece of artwork. I also had the sudden urge to tell Him that Judd texted me. But why? I didn’t tell Him about the twenty other “Happy Birthday” texts that I got today. Suddenly, I was experiencing a taste on my tongue worse than envy….guilt.

  He appeared to be completely oblivious to the awkwardness and my Inner- unrest, as He scooped me up into a tight hug and kissed me through a dozen “Happy Birthdays.” He took me to Sushi Bistro because He knew it was my favorite and while waiting for my free birthday dessert of fried bananas and ice cream, He gave me my gift. They were beautiful half- karat diamond stud earrings. I put them on immediately and tossed my head from side to side to show them off. I tried to argue that they were way too much, but He insisted that they weren’t because I was worth it. He always seemed to find a way to make up for the one thing that hurt me the most in the past. By the time we left the restaurant the unrest was put to rest and I was finally at ease.

  Around eight o’clock we made a trip to the liquor store so that I could purchase my first legal bottle of alcohol. When the man at the counter didn’t I.D. me, I insisted that he check it. “See,” I said pointing to the date on my driver’s license, “I’m officially old enough to purchase this bottle starting today!” The older man with a serious paunch and receding hairline just rolled his eyes at me and handed the bottle over in a brown paper bag.

  We made a few mixed drinks with the bottle of rum that I bought when we returned to my crappy apartment, but I had to wait three more days for the real celebration, because it was only Tuesday and I had class the next morning. He was staying the night with me since it was my birthday, but He was going to have to wake up early in order to get to His eight AM class on time. When we got in my bed around ten, He turned towards me and wrapped His arms tight around my waist. He pulled me close to His body until our faces were nearly touching and our heads were sharing a pillow. “Happy Birthday, Quinn. I know it wasn’t much, but we’ll get to do the real celebrating this weekend,” He said just before planting a quick peck on the end of my nose.

  “Thanks, Babe, it was great,” I said with a peck on His nose in return. “It was kind of nice celebrating with just you. And I absolutely love my earrings!”

  “I’m glad you love them. And I’m glad we got to spend the night alone, too. Besides I have a surprise for you this weekend that won’t give us very much alone time,” He winked.

  “Surprise, what surprise? You’ve already done too much with this bling on my ears,” I said tugging on my lobes.

  “Well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, now would it?” He asked jokingly. And three seconds later, His mouth was on mine moving with determination and desire, leading to the best birthday present of the day.

  April 29, 2011

  I think I’m going to skip class today, I deserve it! I thought as my alarm rang loudly in my ear. I reached over and pawed at my phone until
I was able to grip it enough to push the button on the side and get rid of the horrific ringing. It may not be my birthday anymore, but it is my birthday weekend, and I think that constitutes a day off, I thought before quickly falling back into a deep, comfortable sleep.

  I woke nearly two hours later to my phone ringing loudly against my ear. I must’ve fallen back asleep with it beneath my head, instead of placing it back on my night stand. I dug it out from the tangles of my hair and answered in a raspy, sleepy voice. “Hello.”

  “Hey, Q! Are you still sleeping? I thought you’d be getting out of class right about now. Don’t you have an early one on Fridays?” It was Lana, my closest girlfriend on campus.

  “I do, but I talked myself into a personal day as a birthday gift to myself,” I answered.

  “You go girl!” she squealed. “Well get your butt up and get dressed. I want to take you to lunch since your man monopolized all of your actual birthday time,” she joked.

  I laughed at her insinuation that He forced me to spend all of my free time with Him on my birthday. “Ok, give me like thirty minutes, and then I’ll be ready to go.”

  “Awesome, I’ll come pick you up!” she crooned just before hanging up.

  I slung my legs over the side of my bed until I was sitting upright and wiped the sleepiness out of my eyes. All I needed to do was splash a little water on my face, apply some fresh mascara (and maybe some lip gloss), throw on some clothes and pull my chaotic curls into a ponytail then I’d be ready to go. One good thing about going to college in a small town was that I didn’t feel the need to be dressed up everywhere that I went. My Abercrombie and Fitch tee, cut –off jean shorts and flip flops would more than suffice for lunch with one of The Girls.